Things to say to children instead of "don't cry!"
The moment we emerged from our mother's womb, we started to cry. As it was the first sign of life for us, crying was part of our childhood and it was a sign that we needed something in particular. Growing up, we see crying as a way to deal with what we are going through.
For parents, with the daily stress they have to endure, hearing their little children cry is another burden for them. Especially when they are in public places, they often see this as an embarrassment. This is why they put in place different methods to prevent children from crying as soon as something displeases them.
Words like “shut up!”, “Stop crying, everyone is watching us!” And just “don't cry”, with threatening eyes, are the basics that these crying kids often hear. And as parents think it solves the problems by raising their voice, the truth is that they make the situation worse, because every child who cries needs attention and empathy, not a threat.
So, is it possible to prevent these children from crying without being so harsh with them? Yes it is. But before that, let this article remind you that, despite the stress that crying children place on you, crying is and always will be normal.
Crying is good, especially for children
For younger children, crying is the means by which children express their feelings and it is something that should not be denied them. Telling them to shut up just sends them the message that it is not okay to express their emotions and that it doesn't matter.
It is essential that they learn to identify and validate their feelings to help them deal with them. If we want them to do it and we trust them too, we have to avoid worrying every time their tear ducts want to activate.
Crying is also appropriate
Whatever the reason your child is crying, it is still valid. It may seem like a small matter to you, but remember that they still do not have the same perspective as yours. Unfortunately, adults forget that their children are actually children. When it comes to where they shout loudly, it's always important to teach them that there are places where they should behave well. But that doesn't mean you should encourage them to keep quiet about their feelings. Over time, they will learn to understand the context in which they express their emotions. They are not always children, after all.
So what should we say instead of "DON'T SHOUT!"
Avoiding these words can be a challenge, but practice makes perfect, which is why doing them and also controlling yourself to be negative by the time you hear their screams are worth it. Here are some alternatives that you can tell your child while he or she is tearing up.
"You have the right to be sad."
"I know it's really hard for you."
"I am always there for you."
"You can tell me everything."
"I have news from you."
"It was really sad / scary / disappointing (insert all the emotions needed at that time)."
"I'll help you work on it."
"I'm listening to you."
"I understand that you need space. I will stay close so that you can come to me when you are ready."
"Well, it doesn't seem fair to me."